In the story of Brandon and Marlana, there are many, many more stories that I could tell between junior year and November 05, but I am not posting those. Since they involve the feelings of other people being hurt, I'm moving along to our second "beginning".
Brandon called mea few days before his birthday in the fall of 05. As always, we talked on the phone pretty often, but we hadn't really seen each other more than in passing because of school, work and other people. This time was different though. He was asking me out. Even though I was dating at the time, I still thought, this is a date. I put on a cute outfit, did my hair and make up, and the day of his birthday I went over to Las Margaritas and met him and his (my) family for dinner. I got to sit and eat taco's with him and his sister and his mom and just laugh and have a good time. Something I hadn't done in a really long time. This part of my life, up until that day when I turned my back against the world, was "the dark ages". I was a really bad person. Seriously. I used people, I partied a lot, I was a really mean person, I felt like I hated everyone, but most of all I hated myself. I hated who I had become. I was bitter and unhappy with where I was at in my life. I did a Kanye and became a College Dropout, but little did I know you had to have skills as a rapper to be a millionaire with no bachelors degree. Seriously though, I was just coasting along working at journeys, shrugging my shoulders about anything and everything. Going to dinner that night was like breathing after being under water for too long. I felt like my head was clear and happy that I wasn't being smothered for once.
After dinner was over we went to watch the sunkings game. I don't remember the score, I don't remember who they played, hell I really don't even remember the weather, but I do remember laughing and smiling more than I had in months. More than that, I remember having butterflies. I mean like, damn. I couldn't keep myself from just wanting to giggle. Strait up first crush type of shit. And thats exactly what it was. This was the first guy i ever cared about. The first guy that told me he loved me, the first guy that ever met my parents. I knew again, this is it for me. And this time I didn't run from it. I embraced it with my whole heart. I was fucking scared. I'd never let myself fall before, and I couldn't stand the thought of this guy, this perfect for me in every way guy, hurting me. I also couldn't stand the thought of me hurting him. That night I drove for some reason, and he put in a cd that he brought from his car, it had Ne-Yo So Sick playing on it, and I was really feeling that song hard, because I was so sick of the way things were going, and he had just ended something on his end, it seemed like a weird "beginning" song for us, but the ends of or other things in life that were making us so sick of everything helped us to begin again strong.
I made a lot of changes and cuts in my life in the following weeks, and it was like a cancer patient going through surgery and chemo, I came out clean and with a new outlook on life. Seriously. I found myself having hopes and dreams and goals again, and looking forward to the future. I wish I could say that I did all that on my own, but I didn't. I mean deep down, I knew I was capable of being the person that I broke free of the BS to become, but he brought it out, and I love him unconditionally and eternally for that.
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