Stupid Stinky Deployment!!!

Its been a  while since I blogged. I have been a busy busy woman, but the last two weeks its mainly been because of a sick little gaby girl. Dru throw up, I can handle... Gaby throw up, not so much. I have had to do things the last few weeks that I never ever wanted to do. I had to hold my baby down and let a doctor give her a shot, and I had to hold her down while she got blood drawn. Hardest. Thing. Ever. It goes without saying that everyday gets harder and easier at the same time, but its days like those that I literally ache with how much I miss Brandon. He is the big strong soldier man, he can handle stuff like that not me. A lot of times it feels like I do thinks only because I have to, with tears in my eyes or a crappy mood, but I do it. I do it because my kids need me, I do it because I want Brandon to know that I can handle the shit that the deployment throws at us, and that has to be good enough, because damn it, there are some days that I just don't want to change another effing diaper, or that I don't want to get up in the middle of the night because Gaby needs tylenol. Mainly it's just knowing that if Brandon was home I would have help, support, and some one to help make the days and nights better. Knowing that if a day is good, it could have been better had he bee there, or that a long night would have been easier if I could have him wrap his arms around me and kiss me back to sleep. The deployment is hitting me hard lately and I know that most women hit a low point around the four month mark which, tada, is right where we are at. its like yeah we made it four months... but we have so long to go. I have to struggle with my inner spoiled rotten wife and not throw a tantrum some days because all I want Brandon to do is pay attention to me, not play stupid poker or wwe 2011 with his friends. Luckily for both of us the deployment is teaching me some patience and understanding, because I know that he needs that time with his friends to wind down after the long days that they have to deal with, and that he always skype kisses me and the girls good night, so I know I have it really good, and I know he deserves a break. All I want to do is just have him home. I want to touch his face and kiss his lips and fall asleep in his arms, whoever said that body pillows help, you're a liar!!! Some days I wake up and force myself out of bed and to the gym, or to PWOC, some days I am up before the sun and just ready to knock another day off this seemingly never ending calender on my wall, but either way, the day passes, and we are one day closer to him being home, and to looking back on these days and thanking God for the growth and strength that he has given us through this experience. I am so thankful to have been blessed with a husband that makes this process as easy as it can be, that communicates with me, and that keeps a smile on my face whether its through a silly comment, a skype conversation, or one of our many unforgettable memories. I guess the point of this blog is that I'm strong because I have to be, but I am in love because with brandon its as easy as breathing. I can make it through the hard days because I have God, my family, memories, and the knowledge that when Brandon gets home, I have so much to look forward to.

back at it

it's been a few days since my last post, for the awesome reason that I have been way too tired for keeping so busy that I just want to sleep!! I have been really active in the community lately, trying to get involved with the FRG and getting out and meeting people, going to every event the base has to offer. Let me just say this, it is amazing home fast you meet people and how fast the day passes when you don't get home until 5 and you wonder where the day went. I hit the gym last week and I have been going ever since. Can I just shout from the rooftops how much I missed running, classes, and the sauna?? Give me three weeks and I am positive that I will be ready to step out on Waikiki beach with Brandon on his R&R in a bikini and have people wonder how we adopted kids that look so much like us (or since they look like brandon they will think he traded his wife in for a sexy new woman!) . I feel like I have been going a thousand miles an hour, but its been nice because I NEED this, I need to get out I need to make this deployment go by fast and I need to remember what its like to be Marlana, to have things to talk about other than diapers and potty training. I love sitting down at the computer to skype with my super soldier and having just as much to talk about as he does, instead of hoping that I am interesting to him. Its nice. I am going to start blogging every night or so again too so that I can actually have something worth checking out every couple days rather than every couple weeks!