Twas the night before Christmas

Its Christmas Eve, but it doesn't feel like it. We let the girls open their gifts last night because you never know how well skype is going to work. They are loving their gifts, especially the piano. It has been a really long day. I keep thinking about all the things I would be doing if Brandon were here. I'd be putting the finishing touches on some holiday desserts, helping him wrap some last minute gifts (because he always gets too much for the kids), and probably listening to Christmas music. I didn't even download any this year because you may as well call me the Grinch. Its hard knowing that they have him there, knowing that I need him here so much more. I would love to have the help with putting the kids to bed, and just being able to fall asleep with my feet on his lap while he plays yet another season of madden. I keep telling myself that next year will be better, because he will be home for Christmas next year, and even though this is Dru's first, she will actually be excited and into it next year. I already have so many plans and its helping a lot to make me get through this. New recipes for food and gift ideas are racking up because I want to give Brandon and the girls the best day ever. I am glad to say that I am 100% sure that I am not as selfish as I used to be. I know this because I am not even a little bit jealous of the people that have their husbands home, in fact I am so happy for them to have this time together, especially knowing that the majority of my military friends will not have their husbands home next year, and I will get to be the one to be a shoulder to lean on for support, so that I can pay it forward what has been done for me with kind words and friendship. I also try to just remember that A Christmas with Brandon in afghanistan, is better than a Christmas with anyone other than him. My husband truly is a hero. As much as I have conflicting feelings about this war, its really pacifying to hear him talk about building schools and teaching the ANA new and useful things, because knowing he is proud of the job he is doing, makes me feel like we are doing this for something, and it also makes me that much more proud to be his wife. My daughters have a father that will do anything for their happiness, and I have a husband that loves me unconditionally despite time and distance. Its hard to be away from him at a time when I really wish he were here to celebrate with us, but I just have to continue to take this one day at a time and know that God will bring him home to us, so we can be complete again. I am so thankful for the family and friends that I have in my life that are there spiritually and emotionally for my girls and me. Its refreshing to know that if I have an off day people will help us through. I would love to have been able to bring my girls to see their extended families for the holidays, but I am still glad that through the distance everyone is reaching out to us and making sure that we know that we're in their thoughts. Its Christmas time, and although my husband is far away, we still have much to be thankful for. God is good, and I am truly blessed.