the worst day ever.

Yesterday was quite possibly, the worst day of my life. I had to drop Brandon off at his company, so that he can leave us for a year to go to Afghanistan. It took all the strength I had in my mind, body and soul to take him there, kiss him goodbye, and leave. Gabrielle was upset because she knows that when daddy packs up all of his bags it means that he is getting ready to be gone for longer than just a CQ shift. Dru, she has no idea what is going on yet, because she is still s young. I dont know how to think or act. Its like some one took the sun out of my solar system. My head is stuffy and heavy from  crying so many tears and I just want to stay in bed, or have some one put my life on fast forward until he gets home. But I can't do that. I have my babies to look after, so hen I want to fall apart I can't because it would scare them. I can't just hit the FF button either because for one, its not real, and for two, who would be there to take the photos and videos of all that he is going to miss over the next 12 months? I have never had so many irrational thoughts in one 24 hour period either. I don't want to wash his clothes or the sheets because it will take his smell out of them, I don't want to wash the dishes that he made our last breakfast together, I don't want to mop the boot marks off of our floor because that shows me he was here. Irrational? maybe. But  I need to be able to feel him even if he is gone, I need to know that he is real, and that he is coming back to me. I have never felt pain like what I felt last night to step into my house and know that he won't be back until leave time comes around. I can't help but be mad about leave either. Two weeks? you're telling me that for two weeks I get to see my husband, and thats all for a whole year? Its a joke. Telling women and children to be Army Strong is just an excuse that the army makes to help themselves sleep at night knowing that they are tearing a family apart for a year and expecting them to put the pieces of their lives back together after their faith, hope and love have been beaten into submission. Yet I know that we will prevail in this, just like we have every other obstacle that has been thrown our way. This is one of those, God isn't stopping the storm, so he is being my umbrella situations. I wish I was as strong as Brandon, he knows that everything is going to be ok, he just knows it, not only that but he believes in me and thinks that I can be strong enough to make it through this. I don't know how I got so lucky to have some one that makes me so complete, and that makes me stronger and better, but I am holding on with him with both hands, for always. This is going to be the hardest year of my life. I am hoping that through the pain and fear, our love will grow even stronger, that we will grow closer through the distance, that our family can thrive where others fail. God give me the strength, and bring my husband home safe and happy where he belongs. Sooner, rather than later.