Even if the storyline isn't what I expected, this is still my fairytale.

Its 9 PM Hawaii time, and both my beauties are out. They fell asleep with their daddy after a long day of shopping, eating L&L, and swimming in the salty water at the beach on Hickam AFB. Its day three of Brandon's R&R, and I can't even put into words how amazing it has been to have him here, in my favorite place in the world. It's been like heaven taking the girls to the beaches, driving around the island, shopping at Ala Moana, going to the movies and the zoo, and just getting some REAL family time in that doesn't involve a chat light or a webcam.

  I was so nervous for this trip because the girls and I did space a and that can be pretty unreliable at times, But of course, God was with us, and we arrived in Hawaii 12 hours before Brandon. After settling into the hotel, I was incapable of sleeping because my stomach was doing flips, my head was spinning, and well... it was really effing hot. People go on and on about how much a deployment changes a person, so of course, as I am standing in the baggage claim area, I am pretty much hyperventilating wondering how things are going to be when we see him. Not the way you want to start your day, at five am nonetheless.

   When I see him though, its like 7 months means nothing. Of course this is the man that I love, this is the person that I have been waiting for and praying for. My fairytale life wasn't a dream, its real and its happening, even if its not always on my terms. Seeing Gabrielle running to her daddy screaming and laughing so happily, is something I will never forget my whole life. His smile was the same, his eyes still saw right through me and made me feel at ease and excited at the same time. If I wasn't so against crying in public I would have been bawling my eyes out like I am right now.

 Its so intense to have to feel the emotions that I have to feel through all of this. The deep, swallowing pain that comes the day that he left. The never ending, always in the back of my mind, usually in the front of my mind fear that something could happen to him. The overwhelming happiness that I felt three days ago when I saw him come around that corner at the baggage claim of hawaiian airlines. We are expected to just adapt and adjust, but its hard. I go through the days without him wishing I was with him, thinking that I will spend every moment with him. He's here, and thats all that I do, I spend all day talking to him about anything and everything. When music is out that we love, Gucci over LV, what the kids like to do, things that irritate us, old times, new plans... everything. I hold his hand, when we drive, when we walk, when we are in a movie. I kiss him every chance I get.
But the night comes fast and sleep evades me. I missed so much the feel of his arms around me while we slept, and its been amazing to feel it again. Its SO hard though. To know that he has to go back, to know that in a few days my fairytale goes back to the hard part of the story and I have to be the princess waiting on her prince charming again. I hate knowing that all those feelings, all those fears, are coming back to me so soon. So I avoid it, I try not to think about it. I try to think that he will be home soon after this and we are on the downward slope now...

  How can I do that though? When in the here and now I can hear all three of my babies snoring together and laugh because even if my body would relax enough to sleep I couldn't because they are making so much noise, and then I can cry in the same instant because I know that all too soon that sound I love to hate will be gone again for another few months? Being optimistic is usually a strong suit of mine, but when it comes to this, this tsunami of emotions that the army continues to throw at us... I get really close to my breaking point. All I want to do is have fun and live in the moment, and for now that's the plan. I want to just pretend like I'm Cinderella. I'm going to have a ball until the spell breaks and hang onto the memories until my prince comes to whisk me off my feet for good.I kinda feel like this is a preview of how awesome things will be when this deployment is over. Brandon isn't different from before he left, except that he is MORE patient than he was before, which is really saying something. He is still hilarious, still the man that I confide in and can talkto about anything, he is still that guy that sings his name into any song on the radio and the most gorgeous man on the planet. So thats one anxiety that was totally pointless.

  Deployments can change people, but as long as there is strength and faith, the change can be for the good. We can hold strong to that which we love, we can learn to trust deeply and trust in God to keep us strong when the world threatens to make us weak. I hate the emotions that I am going through, that I have gone through, and that I will undoubtedly go through in the future thanks to the army constantly calling audibles in our fairytale, but thank the lord that we have a strong defense and are able to work together to take down anything that comes our way. There are some days I wish that I could be like Snow White or Sleeping Beauty, those girls had it SO easy! They got to sleep through everything, but I appreciate my prince charming so much more anticipating the butterflies that I know will come again when he comes home and takes me to our little castle of an apartment and we live happily ever after. I'm off to bed, not so much to try to sleep around the snoring, but to embrace the fact that God is giving me this moment to hear it.